I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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