After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
