I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
