no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
