so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
