make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
