matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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