you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize