Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore