Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
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Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED