we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize