What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
