Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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