Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All I want is dick and wine.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
