I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
