I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize