I puked a lego.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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