i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
