I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
