Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
