Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
