I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
