Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
