I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
