At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
