Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
