Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
