At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
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Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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