my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
