I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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