3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
