Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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