The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
