So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
