I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
