I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
NoShamevember. You game?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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