Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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