how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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