I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
