At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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