I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
