Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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