Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
