Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
