apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
