The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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