somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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