whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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