It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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