mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
