Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
