I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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