What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
