I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just blew my weed a kiss
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
try to milk me bitch
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