I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
