I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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