hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
