i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
