So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
