THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
