As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
