yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Fuck appropriateness.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
