Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
