I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
