So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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