also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
