question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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